Ken Dreyer and I discuss The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier. Our conversation evaluates the book and examines Ken’s experiences putting it to work. Ken is not a coach. My hope is that this conversation shows how simple coaching techniques can help you be a better leader no matter what your role is.
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Conversation Highlights
- You don’t have to be an official coach to benefit from the concepts in this book
- Ken would re-title the book “How to ask good questions”
- When you give advice over and over again you become the team oracle
- The book lists seven good questions to ask and examines how each one helps
- They aren’t meant to be a formula
- You must build rapport–you can’t just ask the questions and be effective
- How many times do you just provide the answer?
- The power and effectiveness of silence
- Taking notes on interactions at meetings
- Increases engagement
- Evaluate what’s going on for yourself
- Privately vent if it’s not going well
- Ask yourself questions privately that might change the situation or unlock how you can help
- The valuable dimensions of asking one question (and closing your mouth)
- Understanding and avoiding the Karpman Drama Triangle
- Hero
- Villain
- Victim
- Jim Dethmer elaborates on the Karpman Drama Triangle in this podcast https://fs.blog/jim-dethmer/
- Where the questions from The Coaching Habit fit (and where they don’t) and how you might decide
- Thinking like an Intreprenuer
- Where it makes sense to give advice
- Joint participation in solving the problem vs. taking the whole thing on
- How to help someone who is in a constant state of “I don’t know”
- A great article by Rick Tamlyn on “I don’t know” (not mentioned and found after we recorded)
- Steve Chandler: Agreements vs. Expectations (a game changer in any relationship)
- If you are in a mentor role, consider how coaching (not giving advice) might create a more powerful outcome
Credits
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